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Lord Groundhog
2003-01-07 06:01:44
In the light of recent "news" about alien-inspired human cloning, I wish I could recommend this URL as a public service:
http://www.stopabductions.com/

...but these people are ODD.  Very ODD.  So I can't recommend them. 

However, I have read about another more clever gadget as well on a news group: a copper paperclip undershirt.  It is supplied with its own 6 volt power supply, and makes the wearer completely invisible to the aliens.  What they can't see, they can't abduct — and clone.

-- peace.  LG

[This message was edited by Lord Groundhog on 2003-Jan-07 at 14:13.]
[DPC]Stephan202
2003-01-07 11:58:11
Thanks.  This link is just what I needed.
It really works.  I have not been abducted lately.

---
Dutch Power Cow.
MOOH!
Lord Groundhog
2003-01-09 19:45:34
quote:
Originally posted by [DPC]Stephan202:
Thanks.  This link is just what I needed.
It really works.  I have not been abducted lately.

---
Dutch Power Cow.
MOOH!


Well, if you thought that link was good, try this one:
http://www.earthbounddog.com/

Of course, the real answer will be when I finally
market my battery-powered, copper paperclip underwear,
but obviously you don't want to wait, or else are too
penny-pinching to buy a set when they become available. 
Pity.

-- peace.  LG
[DPC]Stephan202
2003-01-10 05:14:11
quote:
From http://www.earthbounddog.com/:
money back guarantee!
should you ever be abducted by aliens while wearing Location Earth Dog Tags and not returned safely to Earth, you will be entitled to a full refund of the purchase price.

Roll Eyes

Something does not make sense in that sentence... hmm, I wonder what it is....

Big Grin

---
Dutch Power Cow.
MOOH!
Lord Groundhog
2003-01-11 20:14:27
quote:
Originally posted by [DPC]Stephan202:
quote:
_From http://www.earthbounddog.com/:_
money back guarantee!
should you ever be abducted by aliens while wearing Location Earth Dog Tags and not returned safely to Earth, you will be entitled to a full refund of the purchase price.

Roll Eyes

Something does not make sense in that sentence... hmm, I wonder what it is....

Big Grin

---
Dutch Power Cow.
MOOH!


Obviously you have misunderstood the nature of the guaranteed refund.  Your refund of the full price will be sent to you wherever you end up in the universe.  In fact it will be paid in the equivalent local currency and not in Earth-money. 

So, you can't lose, can you? 

Cool

-- peace.  LG
Stephen Brooks
2003-01-12 08:58:35
None of the Bureau de Changes I've been to give a good rate for Aldebrian Monetary Faggots though.  If you happen to be near Regulus you'll find that the lowest denomination that's still legal tender is roughly the value of a small island here on Earth, which would need a lot of dog tags for the bankers to even round it in a favourable direction.  And anyway Earth-based companies are notorious for sending postal orders at sub-light speeds, usually meaning you'll be dead before your refund arrives, unless you go to the bother of actually intercepting it.


"As every 11-year-old kid knows, if you concentrate enough Van-der-Graff generators and expensive special effects in one place, you create a spiral space-time whirly thing, AND an interesting plotline"
Lord Groundhog
2003-01-13 02:03:19
Taking your points in order:

1.
quote:
None of the Bureau de Changes I've been to give a good rate for Aldebrian Monetary Faggots though.


Normally this is true; but one of the benefits of the dogtags is that as soon as you show them in any Bureau de Change, anywhere, they will first check to make sure you're the rightful wearer, and then give you the preferential exchange rate not only for Aldebrian Faggots, but for any other currency.  AND they drop the handling charges. 

2.
quote:
If you happen to be near Regulus you'll find that the lowest denomination that's still legal tender is roughly the value of a small island here on Earth, which would need a lot of dog tags for the bankers to even round it in a favourable direction. 


Now we come to one of the chief advantages of the dogtags.  They serve as letters of introduction to the Exotic Visitors Employment Agency wherever you happen to find yourself.  This is a franchise which can be found in many parts of the galaxy, and indeed in a number of other galaxies, but which specializes in those places where the form of currency doesn't seem to be useful for buying anything smaller than small terrestrial islands. 

(They even exist here, but to comply with the Non-disclosure of Aliens to Primitives Treaty, they trade under numerous pseudonyms including: "Hollywood", "Virgin Records", and so on.  They conceal their true nature by also handling a certain number of earthlings too.  And before you ask, yes, Arnold Swarzenegger is from a small planet near Sirius.  George Bush is a political exile -- from the whole rest of the galaxy.  You didn't really think those people were human, did you?)

As it happens they are more common near Regulus than the blasted Golden Arches are here, and a lot more useful.  The Regulans don't recognize any kind of celbrity except visitors from distant planets, and the primitives from Earth are a particular favourite.  One flash of your dogtags and you become the equivalent of David or Posh Beckham.  Within a Regulan week (about 10 of our days) you'll be known in every hanging room in the region.  (Strictly speaking, Regulans aren't "alive", so they describe themselves as "suspended" -- colloquially, "hanging").  And you'll be very, very rich. 

3.
quote:
And anyway Earth-based companies are notorious for sending postal orders at sub-light speeds, usually meaning you'll be dead before your refund arrives, unless you go to the bother of actually intercepting it.


The earthbounddog.com company has a policy of delivering their refunds anywhere in the galaxy within 4 hours of notification, by whatever means are necessary.  The thing is, the company isn't run by a bunch of lazy earthlings, but by a race from an unobserved location near Vega.  They're such an obsessive race, they make the Swiss look careless.  And they're so committed to perfect service, they're working on a technology to detect when customers are about to be stranded, and to locate exactly where they will land, so that the refund will be waiting for the hapless abductee when they arrive.  This feature should be on the market by 2005 for a slightly higher price.

-- peace.  LG

[This message was edited by Lord Groundhog on 2003-Jan-13 at 10:11.]

[This message was edited by Lord Groundhog on 2003-Jan-13 at 10:12.]
Tom King
2003-01-13 14:30:11
Haha took you three goes to get it right.
Lord Groundhog
2003-01-14 03:45:08
quote:
Originally posted by Thomas King:
Haha took you three goes to get it right.


Yes; the operative words being "to get it right". And your point is...?

-- peace.  LG
Tom King
2003-01-14 11:23:14
Point?  I don't have a point!!!  God's Truth, man, what do you take me for?
Stephen Brooks
2003-01-14 15:34:54
http://www.miniclip.com/wack.htm there's an annoying intro for about 10 seconds but then it gets more fun.  Don't worry, this IS strangely relevant to our conversation.


Err you know, if they made an extra-large black briefcase that also doubled as a 1-passenger car, some fool would complain it was too large to open at their desk
[DPC]Stephan202
2003-01-14 22:36:21
That game is unhuman.  No-one can get past level two.

---
Dutch Power Cow.
MOOH!
Lord Groundhog
2003-01-15 10:37:36
quote:
Originally posted by Thomas King:
Point?  I don't have a point!!!  God's Truth, man, what do you take me for?


Three possible ways to answer this spring to my mind -- I'll confine myself to the the last one.

Are you really sure you should ask that question of anyone in a public forum?

Just wondering...

-- peace.  LG
Lord Groundhog
2003-01-15 10:42:35
quote:
Originally posted by Stephen Brooks:
http://www.miniclip.com/wack.htm there's an annoying intro for about 10 seconds but then it gets more fun.  Don't worry, this IS strangely relevant to our conversation.


Very, very interesting... but those aren't groundhogs, they're gophers. 

Also, how did you manage to miss two truly interesting games on the same site? 

Go to:

1. http://www.miniclip.com/penguin.htm

and

2. http://www.miniclip.com/wackanerd.htm

Now those are games.  Superb, both of them, don't you think? 

Big Grin

-- peace.  LG
Lord Groundhog
2003-01-15 10:50:39
... oh yes, for the sake of completeness, and of getting back on-topic (loosely speaking), I also should have listed http://www.miniclip.com/alienattack.htm

-- peace.  LG
Stephen Brooks
2003-01-15 11:59:11
Well the PENGUIN one I've already seen before - in fact I'd integrated it into my Windows interface on one occasion:



The "Nerds" one was clearly retarded because I got 175 points and it said "Game Over you need 25 points to continue".




Err you know, if they made an extra-large black briefcase that also doubled as a 1-passenger car, some fool would complain it was too large to open at their desk



[This message was edited by Stephen Brooks on 2003-Jan-15 at 20:12.]
[DPC]Stephan202
2003-01-15 12:27:55
I had 0 points and it said I needed 200 to continue...

See the system?

---
Dutch Power Cow.
MOOH!
Lord Groundhog
2003-01-15 16:25:46
quote:
Originally posted by [DPC]Stephan202:
I had 0 points and it said I needed 200 to continue...

See the system?

---
Dutch Power Cow.
MOOH!


I did all 5 levels and ended up with over 1000 points... see the system?

-- peace.  LG
Tom King
2003-01-16 09:30:03
You have too much free time.
Lord Groundhog
2003-01-16 16:38:35
quote:
Originally posted by Thomas King:
You have too much free time.


On the contrary, anyone who knows me can tell you, I epitomize the word "abysmal" as applied to players of computer games.  The fact that my score was, in fact, just over 1420 demonstrates how easy it is to play. 

Later.

-- peace.  LG
Stephen Brooks
2003-01-17 04:55:22
I don't think anybody else thought it was really _worth_ playing past level 1 or 2 though.


Err you know, if they made an extra-large black briefcase that also doubled as a 1-passenger car, some fool would complain it was too large to open at their desk
Tom King
2003-01-17 07:21:44
I did.  I just couldn't get that far. 

However, I did do all 35 levels of arco's energizer.
Stephen Brooks
2003-01-22 09:40:39
Oh, CHALK.  Err well here's a conversation I had with John Szurko for no particular reason:

Stephen Brooks says:
Err a woman came up behind me in the supermarket and said:
"Where's the DUCKS?  Quack, quack, quack"
Stephen Brooks says:
then I realised she was talking to her pushchair
John says:
LMAO
John says:
was this before or after you turned round and said "Errr MALLARDS"
Stephen Brooks says:
I didn't actually say anything as I was in the middle of singing "The Tweenies" theme song to myself, set to "ERRR"
John says:
uhmm
John says:
ok
Stephen Brooks says:
Er-Er Er-Er Errrr
Err-Err Er-Er Errrr
ErEr ErEr ErEr with the Tweenies
John says:
you total bastard
John says:
until you said that id forgotten all about that hateful song
Stephen Brooks says:
HAHAHA
John says:
now ill be singing it all night
Lord Groundhog
2003-01-22 14:37:01
quote:
Originally posted by Stephen Brooks:
Oh, CHALK.  Err well here's a conversation I had with John Szurko for no particular reason:
<font color=#FF0060>
Stephen Brooks says:
Err a woman came up behind me in the supermarket and said:
"Where's the DUCKS?  Quack, quack, quack"
Stephen Brooks says:
then I realised she was talking to her pushchair
<snip>
</font>



Well Stephen, you're lucky to have escaped with your mallards.  She was obviously intending to abduct you, and it was only by chance she didn't. I suspect her Abduction Transporter Unit (cleverly disguised as an innocent-looking pushchair) may have malfunctioned.

Now you can see the importance of getting the relevant gismoes to: [a] prevent abduction (the site with which I started this thread), [b] make yourself invisible to aliens (the copper paperclip underwear I will soon be marketing for a very reasonable price), and [c] make sure you can get back in case of equipment failure of [a] and [b] (the Location Earth Dog Tags, the site for which I also posted earlier in this thread). 

Really, Stephen, you owe it to yourself to take more precautions before you get turned into another alien abduction statistic.  Also, you would be setting an example to the people you know, right?

-- peace.  LG
Tom King
2003-01-24 10:46:03
I wrapped my ducks in tinfoil to prevent the aliens knowing they're there.  Clever, eh?
Stephen Brooks
2003-01-24 11:07:22
ERRRRR now all the tramps will think "that's convenient - jacket potatoes already wrapped in tinfoil for me to cook in a bonfire".


Err you know, if they made an extra-large black briefcase that also doubled as a 1-passenger car, some fool would complain it was too large to open at their desk
Kameleon
2003-01-24 11:43:21
quote:
Originally posted by Lord Groundhog:
On the contrary, anyone who knows me can tell you, I _epitomize_ the word "abysmal" as applied to players of computer games.


No comment Big Grin
Stephen Brooks
2003-01-24 11:51:30
John, you're not from 'Oxford, UK', you're from 'Abingdon, UK' or 'Bristol, UK'. Be careful or Tom will say "I associate with ducks".


Err you know, if they made an extra-large black briefcase that also doubled as a 1-passenger car, some fool would complain it was too large to open at their desk


[This message was edited by Stephen Brooks on 2003-Jan-24 at 21:49.]
Tom King
2003-01-24 11:55:25
I'm a fencepost.

[This message was edited by Thomas King on 2003-Jan-25 at 17:04.]
Lord Groundhog
2003-01-25 14:33:41
quote:
Originally posted by Stephen Brooks:
ERRRRR now all the tramps will think "that's convenient - jacket potatoes already wrapped in tinfoil for me to cook in a bonfire".


More to the point, without my patented design for the power supply, the foil won't fool the aliens for long.  They'll say, "Ah!  Roast duck kits!" Being vegetarians they won't want to eat them, but they will want them for experiments -- you know the sort of thing: implants in their beaks and so on.  As for the tramps, well, they're really surveillance bots anyway, and only eat when they want to make sure we think they're like us.

-- peace.  LG
Lord Groundhog
2003-01-25 14:41:14
quote:
Originally posted by Thomas King:
I'm a fencepost.

[This message was edited by Thomas King on 2003-Jan-25 at 17:04.]


Because I'm such a gentle-marmot, I'll resist the urge to remind you of one of your earlier postings in this thread, where you wrote, "Haha took you three goes to get it right." That was your reply to a message of mine of about 20 lines.

I will likewise refrain from pointing out that you found it necessary to edit this message (only once, so far) despite the fact that it was only 3 words. 

I will even smother the desire to ask you which of the THREE words you found it necessary to edit. 

Gee, with all this resisting, refraining and smothering I'm doing, I guess I don't want to say anything about this message, do I?

-- peace.  LG
Lord Groundhog
2003-01-25 14:44:51
quote:
Originally posted by Lord Groundhog:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Thomas King:
I'm a fencepost.

...

Gee, with all this resisting, refraining and smothering I'm doing, I guess I don't want to say anything about this message, do I? 


On second thought, yes I do.  I want to ask, does your being a fencepost perhaps indicate that you do have a point after all (see earlier posts)?

-- peace.  LG
[DPC]Stephan202
2003-01-25 15:10:45
quote:
Originally posted by Lord Groundhog:
I will even smother the desire to ask you which of the THREE words you found it necessary to edit. 

All three: "I associate with ducks" --> "I'm a fencepost."

---
Dutch Power Cow.
MOOH!
Stephen Brooks
2003-01-26 02:29:40
Well, apart from the 'I' part, but that's sort-of only half a word.

--[does your being a fencepost perhaps indicate that you do have a point after all (see earlier posts)?]--

Yes, preferably being rammed into the ground with some force aided by a hammer.


Err you know, if they made an extra-large black briefcase that also doubled as a 1-passenger car, some fool would complain it was too large to open at their desk
Tom King
2003-01-26 04:07:54
I think for some reason it used to be "I associate with ducks". Then I noticed that Stephen's post actually predicted this duck-association.  Either he's quite good at predicting my duck-related tendencies, or else he's evil and sneaky and can edit posts without the MACHINE (Welcome to it) saying.  Meh.  There may be a third option (that I'm a moron) but that's the easy way out.
Lord Groundhog
2003-01-26 20:14:43
quote:
Originally posted by Thomas King:
I think for some reason it used to be "I associate with ducks". Then I noticed that Stephen's post actually predicted this duck-association.  Either he's quite good at predicting my duck-related tendencies, or else he's evil and sneaky and can edit posts without the MACHINE (Welcome to it) saying.  Meh.  There may be a third option (that I'm a moron) but that's the easy way out.


It is well-known by abduction-conspiracy theorists that aliens can interfere with time, even make it run backwards when it suits them; and of course they can implant thoughts in the minds of mere humans.  What you describe is the result of alien teen-agers getting up to some mischief by first going forward into the future enough to see what you were going to do, then returning to the present (relative to the time they were acting) to implant in your mind the command to do that -- just in case you tried to exercise free will, and finally going backwards sufficiently so that when they told Stephen what you would do, and then guided him to describe it, it would seem like a prediction. 

The point of this elaborate adolescent prank is, apparently, to make you paranoid (and perhaps to make Stephen seem prescient, but that's another story).  Don't worry though; the alien juvenile delinquents who did this to you probably will outgrow their current interest in making your life weird, and will go on to crop circles and playing "chicken" with commercial aircraft in their space-buggies before long.  If you're lucky none of their younger siblings will create a family tradition out of making the whole rest of your life a nightmare of persecution.  If you aren't lucky, your life will become the playground of every juvenile alien between here and Andromeda. 

Or you could take the initiative: give in, part with the big bucks, and buy the latest alien protection...

As for the possibility that you're a moron, don't give it a second thought -- but if you were a moron, would that mean you would go back to not having a point?  Just wondering.

-- peace.  LG
Tom King
2003-01-27 12:13:04
I'm already polaroid.  And time is an illusion.  Unlike the squid.  Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Stephen Brooks
2003-01-27 16:30:43
Indeed


Joke from a crisp packet: What goes "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa"?  A sheep with no lips.

[This message was edited by Stephen Brooks on 2003-Jan-28 at 13:13.]
Lord Groundhog
2003-01-28 10:54:37
quote:
Originally posted by Stephen Brooks:
Indeed


Joke from a crisp packet: What goes "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa"?  A sheep with no lips.

[This message was edited by Stephen Brooks on 2003-Jan-28 at 13:13.]


Joke all you like, but the aliens are becoming more dangerous.  Not only will the abduct the unwary, but they've found out about lawyers, and patents and things.  They're going to sue us all into submission.  See:
http://bbspot.com/News/2001/04/aliens.html

Now we are in real trouble.

-- peace.  LG
Stephen Brooks
2003-01-28 18:03:37
They've been reverse-engineering human beings for years - I'd say you'd have a pretty good case if you counter-sued with that.  (What else would the UFOs be doing around HERE in the first place?)

More seriously, wasn't reverse engineering illegal long before DMCA?  Suppose I "reverse engineered" a book by photocopying its pages and binding into a new one, except with my name on it... Pretty similar to TEM-scanning the surface of an Intel chip and using photolithography to make my own duplicate of it.  Both illegal under most conditions.


Err you know, if they made an extra-large black briefcase that also doubled as a 1-passenger car, some fool would complain it was too large to open at their desk
Tom King
2003-01-29 02:11:04
Er but under the right conditions (high pressure, low temperature and a lot of ducks with a suitable granary catalist) anything can happen.
Quagn, Quagn, Quagn
2003-01-29 08:12:43
<big><big><font color=#00C040>Quack!  We like depleted germanium!</font></big></big>
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